Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Jury Duty

Oh my chickadees! What a day to be an American citizen! Not only do you get to partake in voting, but like me, you get to enjoy a day at Superior Court for jury duty.

Ok, so the above was said in sarcasm. I don't vote...I steer clear away from politics ...and I loathe loathe loathe jury duty. The most stupidest right we as Americans are born with. Honey, strip me from this right and I will love you forever.

I had to take a day off from work to attend such a joyous civic duty. I didn't get called until 1 pm that day after sitting in hard plastic chairs all morning long (my tush was hurting, and not in a good way). As we took our seats in the courtroom, with all the state's and the defendant's counsel present, the judge began his welcome speech (which included the whole "you should be proud to be a part of a country that allows this...blah, blah, blah) and stated the facts of the case. In a nutshell, it was a murder trial to last 3 months. WHAT?! I have to get out of this shizzle, I thought to myself.

My first opportunity: when the judge stated he will ask each one of us if we have a reason that we cannot be a part of this case. I was first.

"Your honor, I can't be gone from work for such a long time as nobody in my office can do the job that I do and they need me there." (lie)

"What exactly do you do?", asked the judge.

"Uh, well, I'm an Accountant but it specializes in...", I managed to blurt out before the judge cut me off.

"Well, Mr. Robert, I'm sure there are a lot of people in this room whose job requires them to be there. But that is not a good reason to be excused. Find out from your employer if this is going to be ok with them, which I'm sure it will be, and let me know. For now, I am putting you down for 'Yes' in being able to serve."

Double shizzle, I thought. He went around the room and people were coming up with lamer excuses than I did and yet he excused them.

After he allowed those he excused to leave, as I still remained seated along with a few others, he said that in order to get an impartial jury, he will pass out a 10 page questionnaire which he would like for us to answer to get info on our background, thoughts, and beliefs.

A ha! Another opportunity! I wasn't going to screw this one up.

The defendant in the case was an African-American accused of murder. I don't have any problems with African-Americans or anybody of color for that matter. One of the questions on the questionnaire was "Will the race of the defendant affect your decision in the case?"

What did I put down for that? "Yes."

Another question on the questionnaire: What's your opinion on the death penalty?

My answer, "Who are we to play God? God is the one to be the ultimate judge when we stand face-to-face with him during The Judgement and the end of times.... " on and on.

Ooh, I'm a roll! Someone hand me the thickest bible you can find and a grand wizard outfit of the KKK, stat!

Do you think they will want me as a juror on that case? Probably not; that's what I'm hoping. They probably think I'm some bible-freak white supremacist or something! Only time will tell...I should find out next week. If not chosen, I have done my civic duty for another 18 months.


Blogger Steve said...

I'd do the three month stint just to be able to get outta work and to sentence the f**ker to death. That is, if he did it. He probably did. Hugs & stuff.

10:54 AM  
Blogger Michael Guy said...

I loathe jury duty! It's so...public. Who are these people?! None of them were my "peers." On the day I was called I sat all damn day long only to be dismissed at 3PM.

5:43 AM  

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