Alcoholism Rears Its Ugly Head Again...
Today (as most Fridays) Brian had a day off from work. Yesterday he was talking about all the plans/errands he had for today. I was so happy for him as this was the first time I have ever seen him so proactive. Not to mention yesterday was his two month anniversary being sober.
That all changed after today.
I called him mid-afternoon to say "hi" and see what he was doing. He didn't sound like himself. Let me rephrase that, he sounded like his old alcoholic self. I played it cool not to accuse of anything I wasn't sure of, but I knew the truth deep down. I asked him what he was up to and what he did today. He gave me very short answers. So I thought to myself, ok let's be more specific, and began asking if he did this and that, errands he had planned for today. Again, short answers. He "claims" he did. But whatever.
After work, I rushed home to see for myself what I thought I had sensed on the phone. He was in bed asleep. Yet another example of his old ways. I woke him, usually easy to do when he was sober, and he barely moved. He finally got up after coaxing him out of bed. I still didn't have concrete evidence of drinking today. I made him a quick bite for dinner, and he said that he was really tired and going back to bed. Ok, that's good because I wanted to snoop around the house for the evidence.
He went back to bed, I waited 10 minutes until he fell asleep and began my detective work. It didn't take long. In his bathroom bottom cabinet, I found a plastic bag with four empty beer cans in it. My man fell off the wagon.
One of my good friends told me that this may potentially happen, to expect it, and not be upset about it. I had this in my head for about a month or so, and seeing how good he was doing, I felt that there's no way he would fall off the wagon now. But he did.
Now I'm torn as to what to do. Is this one incident after attending AA meetings worthy of a breakup? I really didn't sign up to take care of myself AND him. I want a boyfriend, not a child to babysit.
But isn't that what relationships are about? For good times and in bad, blah, blah blah?
I'm embarrassed to tell anybody close to meet just yet that Brian fell off the wagon. Embarrassed for me and for Brian. Like we both have failed somehow.
I really don't know.... :(
That all changed after today.
I called him mid-afternoon to say "hi" and see what he was doing. He didn't sound like himself. Let me rephrase that, he sounded like his old alcoholic self. I played it cool not to accuse of anything I wasn't sure of, but I knew the truth deep down. I asked him what he was up to and what he did today. He gave me very short answers. So I thought to myself, ok let's be more specific, and began asking if he did this and that, errands he had planned for today. Again, short answers. He "claims" he did. But whatever.
After work, I rushed home to see for myself what I thought I had sensed on the phone. He was in bed asleep. Yet another example of his old ways. I woke him, usually easy to do when he was sober, and he barely moved. He finally got up after coaxing him out of bed. I still didn't have concrete evidence of drinking today. I made him a quick bite for dinner, and he said that he was really tired and going back to bed. Ok, that's good because I wanted to snoop around the house for the evidence.
He went back to bed, I waited 10 minutes until he fell asleep and began my detective work. It didn't take long. In his bathroom bottom cabinet, I found a plastic bag with four empty beer cans in it. My man fell off the wagon.
One of my good friends told me that this may potentially happen, to expect it, and not be upset about it. I had this in my head for about a month or so, and seeing how good he was doing, I felt that there's no way he would fall off the wagon now. But he did.
Now I'm torn as to what to do. Is this one incident after attending AA meetings worthy of a breakup? I really didn't sign up to take care of myself AND him. I want a boyfriend, not a child to babysit.
But isn't that what relationships are about? For good times and in bad, blah, blah blah?
I'm embarrassed to tell anybody close to meet just yet that Brian fell off the wagon. Embarrassed for me and for Brian. Like we both have failed somehow.
I really don't know.... :(
posted by Robert at 5:09 PM
3 Comments:
If it was me, I'd certainly confront him with the evidence, as calmly as possible. Then we'd have a conversation about consequences, like what you can and can't live with. His lying, for starters.
As to how far to take it, that depends on so many things...
I sure wouldn't let it slide.
it is the norm, not an exception, for relapse. Most folks fall off the wagon a few times before they stay on for good.
Buckle down with the 'what needs to be done now' to get sober, than 'what went wrong".
good luck.
I was where you're at 5-years ago. The BF would stop..and then start...stop...fall off. It was an ugly time period for us. Forget about confrontation and arguments; futile, my friend. He'll stop when he is ready to stop. And sometimes that notion is called 'hitting the bottom' after one has pretty much lost everything that mattered. There are some ugly truths that come out in the recovery process, too.
But here's the most important lesson I learned through my BF's recovery: Save yourself first. Don't try to rescue him...you'll go down as well. I lied and covered for my BF's drinking; I was an enabler. Stop cleaning up his messes! Good luck to you. It took two, out-patient trips through Hazeldon and the invaluable long-term support of AA for my BF to note 4-years of sobriety just last week.
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