Update

Update from the posting below. I didn't say anything to Brian regarding what I found hidden in his bathroom cabinet. Instead, I decided to do what I do best....play a mind game. Let me elaborate. It was nothing but good old-fashioned guilt trip. I kept saying to him yesterday, "I'm so proud you are two months sober!" And, "I bet you feel great!" And, "I bet your parents are so proud of you!" And, "Don't forget to tell the people at AA that you have been sober two months!"

I also kept nagging reminding him to go to the noon AA meeting, which he did.

At this point, I am going to take it one day at a time and hope he does the same. I would feel guilty if I dropped him like a sack of bricks without at least giving the whole situation and relationship a shot. But rest assured, if it happens often I will leave him. As Michael Guy said, I have to save myself first.

Alcoholism Rears Its Ugly Head Again...

Today (as most Fridays) Brian had a day off from work. Yesterday he was talking about all the plans/errands he had for today. I was so happy for him as this was the first time I have ever seen him so proactive. Not to mention yesterday was his two month anniversary being sober.

That all changed after today.

I called him mid-afternoon to say "hi" and see what he was doing. He didn't sound like himself. Let me rephrase that, he sounded like his old alcoholic self. I played it cool not to accuse of anything I wasn't sure of, but I knew the truth deep down. I asked him what he was up to and what he did today. He gave me very short answers. So I thought to myself, ok let's be more specific, and began asking if he did this and that, errands he had planned for today. Again, short answers. He "claims" he did. But whatever.

After work, I rushed home to see for myself what I thought I had sensed on the phone. He was in bed asleep. Yet another example of his old ways. I woke him, usually easy to do when he was sober, and he barely moved. He finally got up after coaxing him out of bed. I still didn't have concrete evidence of drinking today. I made him a quick bite for dinner, and he said that he was really tired and going back to bed. Ok, that's good because I wanted to snoop around the house for the evidence.

He went back to bed, I waited 10 minutes until he fell asleep and began my detective work. It didn't take long. In his bathroom bottom cabinet, I found a plastic bag with four empty beer cans in it. My man fell off the wagon.

One of my good friends told me that this may potentially happen, to expect it, and not be upset about it. I had this in my head for about a month or so, and seeing how good he was doing, I felt that there's no way he would fall off the wagon now. But he did.

Now I'm torn as to what to do. Is this one incident after attending AA meetings worthy of a breakup? I really didn't sign up to take care of myself AND him. I want a boyfriend, not a child to babysit.

But isn't that what relationships are about? For good times and in bad, blah, blah blah?

I'm embarrassed to tell anybody close to meet just yet that Brian fell off the wagon. Embarrassed for me and for Brian. Like we both have failed somehow.

I really don't know.... :(

Merry Christmas

Oy! I'm so glad that I can finally do what I like doing best....being holed up in my home. As a Cancer, we are naturally homebody folks. For me, it couldn't be more true!

The last day of work was yesterday, and we don't return until Wednesday, Thursday for me since I'll be going to the Mayo Clinic for a follow up appointment all day on Wednesday.

Christmas shopping? Done. Thank heavens for gift cards! No dodging people and cars while celebrating the commercialization of Christmas.

I'm terrible sorry for sounding so bitter in my previous post. This time of year, and basically all winter long, brings out the worst in me. Perhaps I should set up an appointment with Spo-Reflections so he can figure out how my mind works as I am an odd little fella! A walking contradictions and mood swings. Perhaps another Cancer trait.

As promised, here is a picture of the best Christmas tree I have ever put up! Merry Christmas to all of you!

Looking Back

When I was a young lad, I would absolutely love when this video would come on TV. Things were much simpler then. The littlest things in life made me the most happy. Nowadays, it feels like I'm in a state of numbness. I just go about my business doing my daily routine without much thought. I am not "absorbing" the moments that should make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. For the past several years, the winter time has made me feel so depressed. Christmas is no longer a happy, joyful, energy-filled time; it has become more of a chore. Things need to get done. Gifts need to be bought. I have to keep a close eye on my moola to avoid digging myself into a financial hell hole by buying people's love and acceptance holiday gifts. Due to all these demands that come when one goes moves into adulthood, I can now empathize with those who I lovingly called "bitter old people."

But one cannot live in the past and hope that the past can be relived. The best we can do is to live in the present and make the best of it.

Thanks a lot, Mean Girls!

Everytime "Jingle Bell Rock" comes on the radio now, I can't help but be reminded of this scene from the movie "Mean Girls."

Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby

LOVING it!!!!

Noxeema Jackson may be headed to the slammer

According to this, Noxeema Jackson Wesley Snipes may be going to the slammer for tax fraud and evasion. Maybe Vida Boheme and Chi Chi Rodriguez can break Noxeema out of jail. That would make for an interesting Too Wong Foo sequel.

Colon Cleansing

This may be WAY too TMI for y'all, but I need a colon cleansing. If anything for a quick way to lose some weight. What do you think? Anybody tried it?

NSFW

I recently discovered this blog, Daniel, The Guy In The Desert, at work. Someone should have warned me this was NSFW (not safe for work)! As I was perusing (love that word!) his site, it became apparent to me that I should be enjoying it in the comfort of my home instead of a public domain such as work.

Daniel, loved your site! But here's shitting bricks that I will get fired for going to a blog with hot naked guys in it. From now on, I will be jacking off to enjoying your site at home.